1 00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:06,380 [intro music] 2 00:00:06,460 --> 00:00:08,701 [Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate 3 00:00:08,781 --> 00:00:10,541 is the Garden of Eden, 4 00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:12,301 but it's been a good home to us. 5 00:00:12,381 --> 00:00:16,501 To me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I'm proud of, 6 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:21,901 cos every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me. 7 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:25,381 They can all think for themselves, which they've me to thank for. 8 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,101 Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, 9 00:00:27,181 --> 00:00:30,140 which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore. 10 00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:31,660 Ian, lot like his mam, 11 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:35,061 which was handy for the others when she disappeared into thin air. 12 00:00:35,141 --> 00:00:38,141 And Carl. We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons. 13 00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:40,981 One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah. 14 00:00:41,061 --> 00:00:42,381 Two, nits love him. 15 00:00:42,461 --> 00:00:45,981 Debbie, sent by God, total angel. 16 00:00:46,061 --> 00:00:47,101 You've to check your change, 17 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,341 but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour. 18 00:00:49,421 --> 00:00:52,741 Plus, lickle Liam, who's gonna be a star someday. 19 00:00:52,821 --> 00:00:55,341 Monica, the wife. 20 00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:57,821 She's back with her bird in tow. 21 00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:59,900 And we can't get shot of her. 22 00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:03,501 And the neighbours, eh... The neighbours. 23 00:01:03,580 --> 00:01:05,821 Well, what can you say? 24 00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:08,021 Well, nothing, if you don't want your arms breaking. 25 00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,661 Still, nobody's perfect. 26 00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:13,621 But, all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost 27 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:16,981 one of the most vital necessities in life is: 28 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:20,541 they know how to throw a party. [chuckles] 29 00:01:20,621 --> 00:01:21,741 Scatter! 30 00:01:26,261 --> 00:01:29,700 [Lip] Let's face it. Blokes and women, we want different things. 31 00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:30,860 [baby crying] 32 00:01:30,941 --> 00:01:32,381 She's not happy. 33 00:01:32,461 --> 00:01:34,181 We have totally different skills. 34 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,381 Like men: the ability to be fully entertained 35 00:01:36,461 --> 00:01:38,741 by watching footie scores on Ceefax. 36 00:01:38,821 --> 00:01:41,060 -[baby crying] -Ian's in ours. 37 00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:44,461 Women: the ability to remember everything ever said to 'em 38 00:01:44,541 --> 00:01:46,220 -[Lip] by anyone about anything. -[Mandy] Hey! 39 00:01:46,301 --> 00:01:48,780 and to replay any conversation word for word 40 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:52,220 while you're watching footie scores on Ceefax. 41 00:01:52,301 --> 00:01:55,220 And yet, it totally works. 42 00:01:55,301 --> 00:01:57,021 'Cos men need women. 43 00:01:58,341 --> 00:02:01,381 And women need men. 44 00:02:01,461 --> 00:02:02,821 Simple. 45 00:02:02,901 --> 00:02:04,301 Perfect in fact. 46 00:02:04,381 --> 00:02:06,261 [Mandy] Oh, go. 47 00:02:06,341 --> 00:02:08,301 There are exceptions, obviously. 48 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:10,660 Poofs, lezzers. 49 00:02:10,741 --> 00:02:12,181 Anything for yourself in this house! 50 00:02:12,260 --> 00:02:13,781 And our Debbie, of course. 51 00:02:13,861 --> 00:02:15,540 See this? 52 00:02:15,621 --> 00:02:18,380 It's been chewed! [Debbie screams] 53 00:02:18,461 --> 00:02:22,141 What Debbie wants or needs, don't ask me. 54 00:02:22,221 --> 00:02:24,341 Never been able to work that one out. 55 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:30,781 [door bumping] 56 00:02:32,701 --> 00:02:35,661 -Who the fuck are you? -Estate agent. 57 00:02:35,741 --> 00:02:37,861 -I've got fucking rights you know. -I'm dealing with a situation! 58 00:02:37,941 --> 00:02:39,380 An Englishman's home is his castle. 59 00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:41,661 As I've said, Mrs Jackson has instructed us to sell. 60 00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:43,781 Any problems, you need to ring her and discuss them. 61 00:02:43,861 --> 00:02:47,221 Go on! Bugger off, you arse-faced little twat! 62 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:50,781 Out on me arse. [fingers snapping] Just like that. 63 00:02:50,861 --> 00:02:52,581 Wasn't me who walked out on her, was it? 64 00:02:52,661 --> 00:02:55,781 I did everything I could to make the relationship work and that. 65 00:02:55,861 --> 00:02:57,741 Yeah, but it means you're back for good, right Dad? 66 00:02:57,820 --> 00:03:00,181 I mean, where's the fucking justice, eh? 67 00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:03,380 If I'd have binned her, she'd have had me banged to rights for half the fucking lot. 68 00:03:03,461 --> 00:03:07,141 -Yeah, except you don't own any property. -Exactly, Phillip. 69 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,820 Well that's how much society values fathers. 70 00:03:09,901 --> 00:03:11,621 It's enough to make you put on a pair of tights 71 00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:13,341 and join them pillocks dressed up as Batman. 72 00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:17,260 I'm going to the fucking wall on this one, I tell you. 73 00:03:17,341 --> 00:03:19,741 All property is theft. 74 00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:22,540 Never realised the truth of that until today. 75 00:03:22,621 --> 00:03:25,741 Still, you're back in your rightful place. 76 00:03:25,820 --> 00:03:27,861 That's the main thing, chick. 77 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:31,380 [suspenseful music] 78 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,861 Carl! Get off me geography project! 79 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:39,181 -What is the point of you? -I didn't see it, did I! 80 00:03:49,581 --> 00:03:50,700 Extra strength. 81 00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:53,621 [Frank grunts and coughs] 82 00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:56,181 [Frank] Thanks, darling. 83 00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:59,260 When you moved in with Sheila, I really missed bringing you tea. 84 00:04:00,221 --> 00:04:01,941 But then I got used to it. 85 00:04:02,021 --> 00:04:05,820 Don't tell mum, right, but I've been saving for a Geography field trip. 86 00:04:05,901 --> 00:04:09,140 Four nights at the Wetlands Centre in Walton on the Naze. 87 00:04:09,221 --> 00:04:12,820 Anyway, I haven't got enough saved, so you might as well have some. 88 00:04:16,781 --> 00:04:18,581 [Debbie sorts notes] 89 00:04:19,941 --> 00:04:21,341 Thanks, kidder. 90 00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:25,261 Can sub you. 91 00:04:25,341 --> 00:04:26,901 'Til you get some of Sheila's house money back 92 00:04:26,981 --> 00:04:29,101 through the courts and that. 93 00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:31,981 Well, it's not really about the money, is it? 94 00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:34,981 It's more wanting to see justice. 95 00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:36,781 [Frank] Families need fathers, don't they? 96 00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:38,541 Oh! 97 00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:41,221 Wondered where you'd got to. 98 00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:45,341 I just needed a bit of down-time, love. Moving takes it out of you. 99 00:04:45,421 --> 00:04:47,821 Oh, Frank. 100 00:04:47,901 --> 00:04:49,581 [suspenseful music] 101 00:04:49,661 --> 00:04:51,701 Plenty of TLC, that's what you need. 102 00:04:55,981 --> 00:04:57,461 [rock music on headphones] 103 00:05:04,101 --> 00:05:05,461 Hiya... 104 00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:06,421 Shane. 105 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:08,620 [music drowns out speech] 106 00:05:13,341 --> 00:05:15,221 -Get some water! -Water? 107 00:05:15,301 --> 00:05:16,421 To throw over the dog! 108 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,500 -[men shouting] -[dog snarling] 109 00:05:18,581 --> 00:05:20,821 Nelson! Off, Nelson! Nelson! 110 00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,461 Get the dog off! 111 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:26,381 Sweet Jesus! 112 00:05:26,461 --> 00:05:27,821 No, Nelson! 113 00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:28,940 Get to your bed! 114 00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:30,060 [woman cries] 115 00:05:31,380 --> 00:05:33,421 Sorry, I thought it were business. 116 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,301 -Business? -You know, drugs. 117 00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:38,500 Not 'cos of... I mean 'cos of him. 118 00:05:38,581 --> 00:05:40,781 [Micky] Go on! Get to your bed! 119 00:05:41,701 --> 00:05:43,380 He was attack trained. 120 00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:44,421 Started off as a police dog 121 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,901 til they realised he didn't have the temperament. 122 00:05:46,981 --> 00:05:49,541 You're a red rag to a fucking bull, looking at him like that. 123 00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:52,021 I didn't look at him! He came out of nowhere! 124 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,620 Welcome to the neighbourhood! 125 00:05:55,901 --> 00:05:57,541 He was looking at him! 126 00:05:59,421 --> 00:06:01,500 It's Micky. Not Shane! 127 00:06:18,380 --> 00:06:20,781 [chatter] 128 00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:25,901 Out of ice. Again. 129 00:06:25,981 --> 00:06:28,141 -Well I didn't finish it, did I? -Yeah you bloody did! 130 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,861 You've been going through it like there's a sale on. 131 00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:33,221 Because Jez told me to put as much ice in the drinks as possible. 132 00:06:33,301 --> 00:06:34,861 Yeah, well, it's more refreshing that way. 133 00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,341 Christ's sake, you two! It's like working with an old married couple. 134 00:06:37,861 --> 00:06:39,021 Ian! 135 00:06:39,101 --> 00:06:41,701 If we were married, I'd have taught you a few manners by now. 136 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,461 Oh yeah, put me over your knee, would you? 137 00:06:45,461 --> 00:06:46,461 For starters. 138 00:06:47,461 --> 00:06:50,740 -Excuse me, Mrs Maguire. -[Karen laughs] Mrs Maguire! 139 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,141 [Karen] In your dreams! 140 00:06:56,421 --> 00:06:58,380 -[Micky] Got any gear? -[Ian grunts] Shit! 141 00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:02,141 You're um... 142 00:07:03,541 --> 00:07:05,541 You're... the dealer. 143 00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:07,301 I'm not a fucking dealer, alright? 144 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,820 Right. I must... I thought you were the other one. 145 00:07:09,901 --> 00:07:11,141 [Ian hesitates] Ones. 146 00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:15,661 I can get you some Es from behind the bar. 147 00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:16,620 Nah, you're alright. 148 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,221 What d'you think of that, then? 149 00:07:23,301 --> 00:07:25,620 -[Ian] Fuckin' hell, how'd you get that? -Bottle. 150 00:07:25,701 --> 00:07:29,500 This psycho went for Nelson in a pub while we was off down south. 151 00:07:29,581 --> 00:07:30,901 Had a thing for dogs, y'know. 152 00:07:32,421 --> 00:07:35,620 Touch it if you want. Feels well smooth. 153 00:07:38,101 --> 00:07:40,341 Well go on, it won't fucking bite! 154 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:42,740 [Ian] Yeah. 155 00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:44,820 Doesn't hurt. 156 00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:49,180 [Micky] 14 stitches I had. 157 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,260 Doctor said I'm lucky to be alive. 158 00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:57,101 I think we better go in here. 159 00:07:58,421 --> 00:08:00,700 -You what? -You know, if anyone comes in. 160 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:04,380 Fuck off! You fucking little fairy! Fucking little pervert! 161 00:08:04,461 --> 00:08:07,901 -Do I look like a fucking poofdah? -No, honest, you don't. 162 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:12,141 But you do have a hard-on. 163 00:08:12,221 --> 00:08:15,341 [suspenseful music] 164 00:08:35,060 --> 00:08:37,861 -I'll see to all these then, shall I? -[Karen] Not my turn. 165 00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:41,700 You know, sometimes I wonder why I married you. 166 00:08:44,821 --> 00:08:47,821 Though I suppose I should be grateful the wife's not letting herself go. 167 00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:49,541 Yeah, well I knew when you put the ring on me finger, 168 00:08:49,621 --> 00:08:51,100 I'd have to keep up me standards. 169 00:08:51,181 --> 00:08:54,141 Plenty of girls would be happy to be Mrs Jamie Maguire. 170 00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:55,460 Damn right. 171 00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,061 'Course, your mum's given it six weeks. 172 00:08:58,141 --> 00:09:01,701 Me mam's just jealous 'cos she can see I've married the woman of my dreams. 173 00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:03,980 Nightmare, more like. 174 00:09:04,061 --> 00:09:05,021 [sighs] 175 00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:07,701 -Karen-- -So how many kids d'you want? 176 00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:10,381 -Hundreds. -You have 'em then. 177 00:09:16,901 --> 00:09:17,941 [Debbie and Frank laughing] 178 00:09:18,021 --> 00:09:19,100 I was thinking that-- 179 00:09:20,301 --> 00:09:21,220 Morning! 180 00:09:26,021 --> 00:09:28,181 -It's not normal. -He's my dad. 181 00:09:28,261 --> 00:09:31,181 Exactly. It's high time you got yourself a boyfriend. 182 00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:34,421 -Even Spacky Wright's not that desperate. -Oh, piss off, Carl! 183 00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:36,220 Deb's not interested in lads, are you Debs? 184 00:09:36,301 --> 00:09:37,261 'Course I am! 185 00:09:37,340 --> 00:09:40,100 -[Liam, singing] Debbie likes boy-oys... -[Carl and Lip cheering] 186 00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,100 Leave her alone, you lot. 187 00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,460 -Just a late developer, aren't you Deb? -No! 188 00:09:44,541 --> 00:09:46,741 Exactly. That's what I'm saying. 189 00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:49,581 -It's time you got yourself laid, madam. -Mum! 190 00:09:49,661 --> 00:09:53,701 Well it's not natural, is it? A girl her age hanging around home all the time. 191 00:09:53,781 --> 00:09:56,181 Unless, of course, you're the other way-- 192 00:09:56,741 --> 00:10:00,141 You mean like you used to be before you decided to use dad as a meal ticket? 193 00:10:00,741 --> 00:10:02,100 Hey! 194 00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:11,661 Need a bog roll. 195 00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:15,381 Dad, she's saying I shouldn't be hanging round with you all the time. 196 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:16,781 [Debbie] You don't think I'm weird, do you? 197 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:17,980 'Course not! 198 00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:20,621 Well not weird, no. Just... 199 00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:22,781 Just, like, special like, you know. 200 00:10:23,621 --> 00:10:25,860 Always has been. Lickle Debbie. 201 00:10:25,941 --> 00:10:28,100 But she's not little anymore, that's the point! 202 00:10:28,181 --> 00:10:29,220 -[Monica] Look at her, 203 00:10:29,301 --> 00:10:32,100 -at her age I was running a house! -I am running the house! 204 00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:33,781 No, with your dad. 205 00:10:34,381 --> 00:10:35,860 You need to get yourself a fella, Debbie. 206 00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:37,741 [Monica] Go on, tell her, Frank. 207 00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:41,741 Yeah, just, you know... What your mum says... She's your mum. 208 00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:59,740 Okay then. If that's what you want. 209 00:10:59,821 --> 00:11:00,901 Debs! 210 00:11:01,781 --> 00:11:03,021 [door banging] 211 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,581 Normal, ribbed, 212 00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:09,421 extra strong or flavoured? 213 00:11:10,261 --> 00:11:11,581 What flavours have you got? 214 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,701 Fruit cocktail, banoffee pie, chicken balti. 215 00:11:16,781 --> 00:11:18,381 I wouldn't bother with that one. 216 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,021 Just normal then. 217 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,740 Five pounds 62, love. 218 00:11:21,821 --> 00:11:25,581 I haven't seen you with a lad, Debbie. It's not that Wright boy is it? 219 00:11:25,661 --> 00:11:27,021 Spacky Wright? 220 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,460 It in't, is it? 221 00:11:28,541 --> 00:11:30,421 -[Yvonne] Is it? -No! 222 00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,541 It's just a lad. 223 00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:34,220 Think we've upset her. 224 00:11:34,301 --> 00:11:35,460 [dog barking] 225 00:11:38,021 --> 00:11:39,661 Y'alright? 226 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,621 [upbeat music] 227 00:11:53,181 --> 00:11:55,220 [lads cheering] 228 00:11:55,301 --> 00:11:57,141 Ey, Spider, I think she fancies yer! 229 00:11:59,621 --> 00:12:03,141 -Hey, you got a girlfriend? -No. 230 00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:08,061 We've split up! 231 00:12:09,621 --> 00:12:12,901 Ideally, I think intercourse should happen in the context of a loving relationship. 232 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:14,220 You what? 233 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:15,860 You shouldn't shag someone if you don't like 'em. 234 00:12:15,941 --> 00:12:17,261 How d'you get laid then? 235 00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:18,381 [Sighs] 236 00:12:24,901 --> 00:12:28,941 -It's my turn to bring those in. -Well, teamwork. 237 00:12:29,021 --> 00:12:30,821 That's what married life's all about, innit? 238 00:12:30,901 --> 00:12:33,100 Is it? I thought it was about having someone to blame 239 00:12:33,181 --> 00:12:36,301 -when your life turns out to be shit. -Well, that too. 240 00:12:38,661 --> 00:12:40,340 Talking of which... 241 00:12:40,421 --> 00:12:42,781 [Jamie] I realised we've been putting the cart before the horse. 242 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:44,860 It's time to make an honest woman out of you. 243 00:12:50,261 --> 00:12:52,541 Karen! I'm sorry, okay? What have I done? 244 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,620 It's a big fucking joke, innit? 245 00:12:54,701 --> 00:12:57,941 Karen the bike, Karen the big laugh. Who'd want to marry her? 246 00:12:58,021 --> 00:13:00,301 [Karen] She's good for a jump or a blowjob but that's it. 247 00:13:00,381 --> 00:13:02,501 -I'm not laughing, alright. -I'm not joking! 248 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,421 I wouldn't marry you... 249 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:07,501 -What? -It's not a joke. 250 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:10,501 Will you fucking marry me? 251 00:13:16,661 --> 00:13:17,781 Why? 252 00:13:18,941 --> 00:13:20,460 [Jamie] What d'you mean, why? 253 00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:24,181 -You don't even know me, Jamie. -Yeah, I do! 254 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,261 I see you every day. 255 00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:30,581 You're the only one when I came out of prison didn't treat me like a psycho. 256 00:13:30,661 --> 00:13:33,381 You must realise I fancy the arse off you. 257 00:13:35,061 --> 00:13:40,460 Yeah. But getting married... 258 00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:43,740 We could try, like, going on a date first. 259 00:13:43,821 --> 00:13:48,460 Fuck all that! I've lost ten years of my life. 260 00:13:48,541 --> 00:13:50,021 I know what I want from the rest of it. 261 00:13:51,181 --> 00:13:52,381 You. 262 00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:05,740 [Frank straining] 263 00:14:05,821 --> 00:14:07,941 [suspenseful music] 264 00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:10,061 [door knocking] 265 00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,781 [Monica] Frank? You alright in there, love? 266 00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:17,381 It's not your old trouble is it? 267 00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:19,421 [Monica] When did you last go? 268 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:20,661 [Frank sighs] 269 00:14:22,421 --> 00:14:25,100 [upbeat music] 270 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,581 [boy] Hey! You shouldn't be chucking stuff in there. 271 00:14:35,661 --> 00:14:37,740 Especially if it's not biodegradable. 272 00:14:40,541 --> 00:14:42,620 -What was it? A crisp packet? -No. 273 00:14:44,261 --> 00:14:46,340 What are you anyway? The litter police? 274 00:14:46,421 --> 00:14:48,980 -Just care about the environment. -[Debbie] Well, good for you. 275 00:14:49,061 --> 00:14:52,181 At my old school, we helped out with this project, clearing out the canal. 276 00:14:52,261 --> 00:14:54,661 It was totally minging, some of the stuff we got out. 277 00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:56,941 I took all the old trollies back to the supermarket. 278 00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,141 Made nearly twenty quid. Some of 'em didn't even have wheels. 279 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:01,701 Like, free money or what! 280 00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:04,220 Do you fancy me? 281 00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:09,181 -Yeah. -D'you want to go out later, then? 282 00:15:09,261 --> 00:15:11,821 We could take some stuff down to the recycling centre. 283 00:15:11,901 --> 00:15:14,141 [Debbie] After tea, half nine. 284 00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:15,141 Alright. 285 00:15:20,141 --> 00:15:23,220 [Lillian] It's not for you, it's for the baby. 286 00:15:23,301 --> 00:15:24,860 What fucking baby? 287 00:15:24,941 --> 00:15:29,220 Everyone knows, Jez love. There's no shame in going with a fella now and again, 288 00:15:29,301 --> 00:15:31,980 even if you are on the other bus. 289 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,261 It's a surrogate pregnancy, Lillian, 290 00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:36,421 and the only thing that touched me was a fucking turkey baster! 291 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,941 That baby will be out of me and down to Swindon 292 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,061 before the four grand has a chance to hit my bank account. 293 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,421 So no knitwear, ta very much. 294 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,500 [sighs] 295 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:50,740 You know, I thought that gauge was loose on them needles. 296 00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:03,781 -People are gonna start talking. -Fuck off! I'm off home, aren't I? 297 00:16:10,301 --> 00:16:11,781 Fuck off! 298 00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:13,021 [Ian chuckles] 299 00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:23,100 There's no-one in. 300 00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:26,061 [Micky] Me mam and dad are at their Irish dancing lesson. 301 00:16:26,141 --> 00:16:27,860 [Irish trad music] 302 00:16:30,661 --> 00:16:31,860 [Ian chuckles] 303 00:16:34,421 --> 00:16:36,061 ["What You Waiting For" playing] 304 00:16:49,781 --> 00:16:50,941 Nelson! 305 00:16:52,901 --> 00:16:54,500 [Ian laughing] 306 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,140 ♪ What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting ♪ 307 00:17:06,221 --> 00:17:08,900 ♪ What you waiting, what you waiting for? ♪ 308 00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:14,620 [both panting] 309 00:17:23,261 --> 00:17:24,581 [Ian kisses teeth] Sweet. 310 00:17:25,741 --> 00:17:27,021 [snorting] 311 00:17:30,261 --> 00:17:31,741 Fucking hell! 312 00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:33,940 [Ian sniffs] 313 00:17:34,021 --> 00:17:35,420 -What is it? -Haven't even cut it yet. 314 00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:38,301 Stuff we sell round here's mostly baby formula. 315 00:17:38,381 --> 00:17:40,701 Little Katie's probably getting more of a buzz than the punters. 316 00:17:40,781 --> 00:17:41,981 [door opens] 317 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:45,101 Haven't seen that new disabled sticker, have you? 318 00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:48,660 Those bastard traffic wardens down the community centre. 319 00:17:48,741 --> 00:17:49,900 There's no messing with 'em 320 00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:52,621 and I don't want your mother doing another stretch for GBH. 321 00:17:52,701 --> 00:17:54,341 -It's not-- -That Panamanian gear. 322 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:56,541 Makes you sweat like a fucking pig, eh? 323 00:17:56,621 --> 00:17:57,660 [both] Yeah! 324 00:17:57,741 --> 00:18:00,021 [Paddy] Don't get a taste for it buggerlugs, you couldn't afford it. 325 00:18:00,101 --> 00:18:01,461 [laughing] 326 00:18:04,461 --> 00:18:07,861 [Paddy] Look at youse. Like a pair of fucking queers there! 327 00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:09,660 [door closes] 328 00:18:09,741 --> 00:18:11,621 Fuck! 329 00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:14,701 [front door opens] 330 00:18:16,581 --> 00:18:18,461 [front door closes] 331 00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:20,101 Shit! 332 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,581 I haven't had a close call like that 333 00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:26,221 since me mam nearly walked in on Nelson sucking us off. 334 00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:28,660 [Nelson panting] 335 00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:32,101 -Nelson? -[Micky] Yeah. 336 00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,180 I was about 13, right. 337 00:18:34,261 --> 00:18:36,940 Dad broke both me arms for dealing on his patch. 338 00:18:37,021 --> 00:18:40,221 I was plaster up to here going mad for a wank. 339 00:18:40,301 --> 00:18:43,141 [Micky] I mean, how horny are you when you're 13, hey? 340 00:18:43,221 --> 00:18:45,301 Talk about a man's best friend. 341 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,180 [Spitting up] 342 00:18:50,261 --> 00:18:51,420 Excuse me. 343 00:19:04,301 --> 00:19:06,501 Debbie? Turkey dinosaurs? 344 00:19:06,581 --> 00:19:08,420 I'm off out. Got a date. 345 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,141 -Fuck off! Who with? -Luke. 346 00:19:13,141 --> 00:19:14,180 You know. 347 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,261 Forget it. Anyway, I've got my key. 348 00:19:18,341 --> 00:19:20,420 [Debbie] Might not be home til late. Or I might stay out. 349 00:19:21,101 --> 00:19:22,900 -Are you shagging him? -Probably. 350 00:19:22,981 --> 00:19:24,381 -Debbie! -What? 351 00:19:24,461 --> 00:19:26,101 You were all having a go at me before. 352 00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:27,900 Why shouldn't I have a sex life like everyone else? 353 00:19:27,981 --> 00:19:29,461 It's just that, well... 354 00:19:30,741 --> 00:19:31,821 Have a word, mum. 355 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:32,821 [sighs] 356 00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,101 Right, well you could always go on the pill. 357 00:19:38,180 --> 00:19:41,461 Although if you're like me, it'll make you retain more water than Gorton reservoir. 358 00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:44,461 But, if you're serious about this lad, 359 00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,541 Maybe you should put your name down early for a council flat. 360 00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:51,141 -[Ian] Talk to her. -Debbie! 361 00:20:00,221 --> 00:20:01,221 Go on. 362 00:20:05,781 --> 00:20:07,180 [Frank] Debbie. 363 00:20:07,261 --> 00:20:09,621 When a man and a woman... 364 00:20:11,301 --> 00:20:12,141 ...come together... 365 00:20:14,221 --> 00:20:18,621 [Frank hesitates]...the union... of two beings... 366 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,700 Dad, it's no big deal. 367 00:20:20,781 --> 00:20:22,101 One, I'm gonna use a condom. 368 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:25,821 [Debbie] There's chlamydia to think of apart from the contraceptive issues. 369 00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:28,900 And two, with all the gymnastics I've done, I probably have no hymen left. 370 00:20:35,461 --> 00:20:38,381 I fry the beans in the bacon fat, Karen. That's the secret. 371 00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:40,781 It's delicious. 372 00:20:40,861 --> 00:20:42,261 [Karen] You'll have to show me how. 373 00:20:43,261 --> 00:20:45,261 [Nelson eating] 374 00:20:45,341 --> 00:20:47,861 Mam, do we have to have Nelson licking round everywhere? 375 00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:49,621 -It's not exactly hygienic. -[Micky] Don't start! 376 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,221 -Don't talk to me about fucking Nelson. -[Nelson whimpers] 377 00:20:53,501 --> 00:20:54,781 [Mimi] D'you like dogs, Karen? 378 00:20:56,101 --> 00:20:57,101 Yeah. 379 00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:59,261 Well, wait til the baby's born before you think about getting one. 380 00:21:00,101 --> 00:21:01,940 [Mimi] You never know how they'll be with a little one. 381 00:21:02,021 --> 00:21:05,221 Christ no! Do you remember taking our Shane down for all them stitches? 382 00:21:05,301 --> 00:21:07,821 Poor, wee bastard. Reconstructive surgery my arse! 383 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,180 [All laughing] 384 00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:11,261 Fuck off! 385 00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,940 -Baby? -Karen's not pregnant, mam. 386 00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:18,341 [suspenseful music] 387 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,180 We thought we'd try getting married first. 388 00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:27,821 Well... 389 00:21:28,501 --> 00:21:30,461 There's a first time for everything! 390 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:33,861 [suspenseful music] 391 00:21:40,221 --> 00:21:41,700 [Both laughing] 392 00:21:43,981 --> 00:21:45,261 That went well... 393 00:21:45,341 --> 00:21:47,541 No. They really like you. 394 00:21:49,581 --> 00:21:51,741 Jamie, she nearly broke me fucking arm! 395 00:21:52,261 --> 00:21:53,261 [Cheering] 396 00:21:58,261 --> 00:22:00,460 That's just her way of welcoming you into the family. 397 00:22:00,981 --> 00:22:03,141 Seriously, you were a big hit. 398 00:22:03,940 --> 00:22:05,700 -Ow! -Sorry. 399 00:22:08,621 --> 00:22:10,061 -Better? -No. 400 00:22:10,940 --> 00:22:12,900 [kiss] 401 00:22:21,981 --> 00:22:25,460 Do you think it's a bit weird, us getting engaged? 402 00:22:25,541 --> 00:22:27,101 No. Look, I know my family's not exactly 403 00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,660 Little House on the fucking Prairie, Karen, but... 404 00:22:29,741 --> 00:22:31,460 but I'm my own man. 405 00:22:31,541 --> 00:22:33,101 I don't mean your family. 406 00:22:34,861 --> 00:22:40,021 I mean us not having, you know... done it. 407 00:22:40,101 --> 00:22:41,781 What is it? 408 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:45,061 -Is it me being experienced? -No. 409 00:22:46,061 --> 00:22:48,660 I was inside for ten years. 410 00:22:48,741 --> 00:22:50,660 [sighs] Oh, that! 411 00:22:50,741 --> 00:22:53,621 -I don't mind whose bitch you were. -No, I wasn't! 412 00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:55,660 I mean, dad warned 'em off. 413 00:22:55,741 --> 00:22:58,301 But apart from copping the odd feel from this art therapist 414 00:22:58,381 --> 00:23:00,420 who used to visit a few years back... 415 00:23:01,660 --> 00:23:03,581 You do the maths. 416 00:23:05,261 --> 00:23:07,460 You're a virgin? 417 00:23:07,541 --> 00:23:09,180 I might as well be. 418 00:23:24,061 --> 00:23:25,061 [Jamie pants] 419 00:23:25,141 --> 00:23:26,981 I don't think it's gonna be a problem. 420 00:23:31,261 --> 00:23:33,940 [Jez] What's this? The fucking honeymoon? 421 00:23:34,021 --> 00:23:36,021 [Jez sighs] Bastard heartburn again. 422 00:23:36,101 --> 00:23:39,221 There's an all night chemist down Birchington Lane. 423 00:23:39,301 --> 00:23:44,381 Well, I can't go in my condition, can I? Need 12 hours sleep or I'm fit for nought! 424 00:23:46,141 --> 00:23:47,541 Don't wait up then. 425 00:23:48,940 --> 00:23:51,061 [loud belch] 426 00:24:09,261 --> 00:24:10,541 [Debbie] You're late. 427 00:24:12,101 --> 00:24:16,420 Only 2 minutes. Well, 1 minute 40 seconds, if you're counting. 428 00:24:20,221 --> 00:24:21,541 Nice. 429 00:24:23,981 --> 00:24:27,180 So, what were you thinking we'd do then? 430 00:24:35,101 --> 00:24:37,940 It's alright. I want to. 431 00:24:39,501 --> 00:24:42,061 What's up? Are you gay? 432 00:24:42,141 --> 00:24:44,861 No! It's not... It's not that. 433 00:24:44,940 --> 00:24:48,021 -I thought you fancied me. -I do. 434 00:24:49,021 --> 00:24:50,420 I've brought my own. 435 00:24:52,381 --> 00:24:53,861 What is it? 436 00:24:53,940 --> 00:24:55,221 [Debbie] What is it, Luke? 437 00:24:55,301 --> 00:24:57,221 [Luke] There's something you need to know about me. 438 00:24:57,301 --> 00:25:00,101 [Debbie] Oh no. Get off! Leave me alone! 439 00:25:00,180 --> 00:25:03,460 [Luke] Debbie! Debbie, come back, will ye? 440 00:25:03,541 --> 00:25:04,501 [Luke] Debbie! 441 00:25:09,541 --> 00:25:11,220 Debbie! 442 00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:24,101 [suspenseful music] 443 00:25:40,781 --> 00:25:42,301 Morning. 444 00:25:42,381 --> 00:25:43,501 Hiya. 445 00:25:46,301 --> 00:25:48,261 What you doing up so early? 446 00:25:48,341 --> 00:25:49,501 You know. 447 00:25:51,301 --> 00:25:53,900 I haven't been back since last night. 448 00:25:56,501 --> 00:25:57,741 Luke... 449 00:26:00,021 --> 00:26:04,420 -I've been having sex with Luke. -[Car crashing] 450 00:26:05,381 --> 00:26:06,621 What were it like? 451 00:26:08,101 --> 00:26:08,940 Yeah, great! 452 00:26:09,021 --> 00:26:11,621 -[Debbie] It was great. -Was it? 453 00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:13,061 How many times? 454 00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:16,781 About five or six? 455 00:26:27,341 --> 00:26:28,341 Morning. 456 00:26:39,101 --> 00:26:42,101 -Hey! Don't fucking do that! -I'm sorry. 457 00:26:44,180 --> 00:26:45,341 [howling] 458 00:26:46,141 --> 00:26:49,621 It really is a bit risky here, Micky. You know. 459 00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:51,261 Oh, okay. 460 00:26:54,220 --> 00:26:55,781 Came to bring you this. 461 00:26:55,861 --> 00:26:58,541 -An iPod? You didn't buy it, did you? -Yeah. 462 00:26:58,621 --> 00:27:01,101 From our Shane. He knocked a lorry off last Thursday. 463 00:27:01,180 --> 00:27:03,341 Oh. Cheers. 464 00:27:09,460 --> 00:27:13,220 -Maybe see you after work then. -Yeah, maybe. 465 00:27:17,460 --> 00:27:18,621 Fuck off then! 466 00:27:22,940 --> 00:27:26,220 [suspenseful music] 467 00:27:43,541 --> 00:27:47,021 [Frank sings] Sunrise, sunset 468 00:27:47,101 --> 00:27:50,621 Sunrise, sunset 469 00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:54,021 Swiftly through the days 470 00:27:54,101 --> 00:27:58,781 Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers 471 00:27:58,861 --> 00:28:01,021 -It is normal, Frank. -What is? 472 00:28:01,101 --> 00:28:03,180 Debbie getting laid. 473 00:28:03,261 --> 00:28:05,501 -[Mandy] Well it is. -Who's the lad, do you know? 474 00:28:05,581 --> 00:28:08,141 Luke something or other. 475 00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:09,660 Moved in across there. 476 00:28:09,741 --> 00:28:12,781 -The coloured family? -You can't say coloured nowadays. 477 00:28:12,861 --> 00:28:15,940 -What are you supposed to call them? -Them? 478 00:28:16,021 --> 00:28:19,660 -Afro-caribbean. -[Carol] Oh, give over. Who says that? 479 00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:22,301 Anyway, you must've got the wrong end of the stick. 480 00:28:22,381 --> 00:28:25,541 I know that lot from when I lived over on the Welby. 481 00:28:25,621 --> 00:28:26,541 [Carol] The Newmans. 482 00:28:26,621 --> 00:28:29,660 Well, I'd be very surprised if Debbie's carrying on with their son. 483 00:28:29,741 --> 00:28:32,781 -Why's that, then? -They're religious. 484 00:28:32,861 --> 00:28:36,501 -[bell tolls] -[Carol] 12th Day Reform Pentecostalists. 485 00:28:36,581 --> 00:28:39,541 [Carol] I dabbled a bit meself a while back, but it wasn't for me. 486 00:28:39,621 --> 00:28:43,341 [groaning] Not the fucking God squad! 487 00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:46,061 Fifty percent of your income to the church. 488 00:28:49,180 --> 00:28:51,021 -[Carol] Strictly no sex before marriage. -Thank you. 489 00:28:51,101 --> 00:28:53,621 So if Debbie's set her cap at young Whatsisface, 490 00:28:53,700 --> 00:28:56,621 they'll have her down the aisle before you can say Jack Robinson. 491 00:28:56,700 --> 00:28:59,141 Fifty fucking percent! 492 00:28:59,220 --> 00:29:03,261 Worse than the fucking Catholics! Worse than the fucking Christians! 493 00:29:03,341 --> 00:29:06,061 -Catholics are Christians. -Oh, fuck off! 494 00:29:06,141 --> 00:29:08,541 -Pound of fucking flesh. -[Mandy] Frank! Debbie likes this lad. 495 00:29:08,621 --> 00:29:10,741 What good are you doing laying down the law to his mum and dad? 496 00:29:10,821 --> 00:29:14,341 -She's got a point. -Oh, excuse me. This is my daughter! 497 00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:16,460 [Frank] Every father's worst nightmare! 498 00:29:16,541 --> 00:29:20,261 "Dad, meet my boyfriend, the Reverend fucking chisel arse." 499 00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:21,660 He can fuck off! 500 00:29:24,700 --> 00:29:25,541 [shouts] Dad! 501 00:29:31,420 --> 00:29:33,501 [lads laughing] 502 00:29:33,581 --> 00:29:34,861 [lad] Ey! 503 00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:38,141 -Pointy tits. Fancy a shag or what? -Yeah. 504 00:29:39,541 --> 00:29:41,141 I said yeah! 505 00:29:41,220 --> 00:29:43,861 Nah, sorry. Don't do donations to charity. 506 00:29:43,940 --> 00:29:45,180 [lads laugh] 507 00:29:47,301 --> 00:29:48,581 Tonight? 508 00:29:48,660 --> 00:29:50,541 I know it's a bit previous, but I thought it'd be nice 509 00:29:50,621 --> 00:29:53,180 for you to meet some of the extended family. 510 00:29:53,261 --> 00:29:57,180 And if your future mother-in-law can't give you a hen-do, who can? 511 00:29:59,180 --> 00:30:01,861 'Course it might not be your cup of tea. 512 00:30:01,940 --> 00:30:03,180 No! It's just-- 513 00:30:03,261 --> 00:30:06,381 It's just I know our Jamie's keen for us to get on. 514 00:30:08,061 --> 00:30:11,460 Yeah. I'd love to. It's really nice of you, Mimi. 515 00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:13,180 Just had an arrangement. 516 00:30:15,261 --> 00:30:17,261 Which I'll rearrange, obviously. 517 00:30:17,341 --> 00:30:18,821 [Mimi chuckles] 518 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:21,660 [Mimi] You see, Karen love. It's true what they say. 519 00:30:21,741 --> 00:30:24,220 A son's a son til he gets a wife. 520 00:30:24,301 --> 00:30:27,141 A daughter-in-law's yours for all of her life! 521 00:30:30,301 --> 00:30:32,940 Still on to fuck yer brains out tonight? 522 00:30:33,021 --> 00:30:34,741 Your mum's just asked me out, as it happens. 523 00:30:34,821 --> 00:30:37,061 Oh, it's not going to be an all-nighter, is it? 524 00:30:37,141 --> 00:30:40,180 -Hope not! -Christ! Me too. 525 00:30:40,261 --> 00:30:42,821 You see, I told you she liked you. 526 00:30:42,900 --> 00:30:44,301 You're just paranoid. 527 00:30:45,980 --> 00:30:47,660 [Mr Newman] So, Mr Gallagher... 528 00:30:47,741 --> 00:30:50,501 You're concerned about my son seeing your daughter. 529 00:30:50,581 --> 00:30:54,660 [Mrs Newman] Is this true, Luke? You've been... courting this girl? 530 00:30:54,741 --> 00:30:59,460 -No, not courting. Just, kind of-- -Can I speak, please? 531 00:30:59,541 --> 00:31:02,341 My concern... Erm... 532 00:31:02,420 --> 00:31:04,781 If I can put it this way is... 533 00:31:07,021 --> 00:31:07,861 Lifestyle. 534 00:31:09,381 --> 00:31:11,541 Uh... lifestyle? 535 00:31:11,621 --> 00:31:13,581 Debbie's lifestyle. 536 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:16,660 She's... 537 00:31:18,861 --> 00:31:21,061 Well, let me put it like this: 538 00:31:21,141 --> 00:31:23,781 I wouldn't be that keen on any son of mine... 539 00:31:23,861 --> 00:31:25,501 [Frank] Hanging around with her. 540 00:31:25,581 --> 00:31:28,460 I'm not sure I catch your drift, Mr Gallagher. 541 00:31:28,541 --> 00:31:30,061 She's a... 542 00:31:30,141 --> 00:31:33,821 [Frank sighs] It's a terrible thing to have to say about your own daughter. 543 00:31:35,460 --> 00:31:36,821 But... 544 00:31:36,900 --> 00:31:37,900 To be honest... 545 00:31:39,261 --> 00:31:40,420 She likes to... 546 00:31:41,541 --> 00:31:42,541 To... 547 00:31:45,261 --> 00:31:46,900 Samson and Delilah. 548 00:31:46,980 --> 00:31:48,700 [Frank] Jason and the Argonauts. 549 00:31:48,781 --> 00:31:51,460 [Frank] Sort of Jezebel! 550 00:31:51,541 --> 00:31:55,220 [Frank] Yeah. Yeah. She is a Jezebel, through and through. 551 00:31:55,301 --> 00:31:56,581 In't she, Phillip? 552 00:31:57,501 --> 00:31:59,341 Um... 553 00:31:59,420 --> 00:32:00,420 Uh-huh. 554 00:32:00,501 --> 00:32:02,660 [Frank] I'd have him checked out if I was you. 555 00:32:10,660 --> 00:32:12,341 [Mr Newman kisses his teeth] 556 00:32:13,581 --> 00:32:18,141 -[Frank] Should listen then, shouldn't ya. -"Jezebel through and through". Nice one. 557 00:32:18,220 --> 00:32:19,900 Well, it worked, didn't it? 558 00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:23,180 Lad won't touch her with a fucking barge pole from now on. 559 00:32:23,261 --> 00:32:25,900 Or 50% of a fucking barge pole! 560 00:32:27,660 --> 00:32:30,180 -[Debbie, groaning] Lip... -[Lip] State of you! 561 00:32:30,940 --> 00:32:32,381 I still feel a bit sick, actually. 562 00:32:32,980 --> 00:32:33,861 [Debbie groans] 563 00:32:33,940 --> 00:32:36,141 [Lip] Whate are you doing going on the lash? 564 00:32:36,220 --> 00:32:37,900 [Lip] You're supposed to be at school. 565 00:32:38,581 --> 00:32:39,821 Spider and his mates seen me. 566 00:32:40,581 --> 00:32:41,700 Spider? 567 00:32:41,781 --> 00:32:44,061 [Debbie] You don't think that's his real name, do you? 568 00:32:44,141 --> 00:32:45,101 [Debbie groans] 569 00:32:45,180 --> 00:32:47,700 -I don't think I can go to school again. -Why not? 570 00:32:48,341 --> 00:32:50,141 What's been going on with you and this Spider lad? 571 00:32:50,220 --> 00:32:51,301 Nothing. 572 00:32:51,381 --> 00:32:53,900 That's what's been going on, right? Absolutely nothing. 573 00:32:54,740 --> 00:32:56,220 [Lip] I don't get it, Debs. 574 00:32:56,301 --> 00:32:58,861 [Lip] I thought all you were into was Luke five minutes back. 575 00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:00,061 Luke's lovely... 576 00:33:00,581 --> 00:33:01,740 But he wouldn't do it with me, either. 577 00:33:02,940 --> 00:33:04,261 [Debbie] "God says it's wrong." 578 00:33:04,861 --> 00:33:06,101 No-one wants me, Lip. 579 00:33:06,180 --> 00:33:09,021 -You mean you haven't shagged him? -I told you, he wouldn't. 580 00:33:09,781 --> 00:33:11,900 [Debbie] Said: "God might see us and smite "us down. 581 00:33:14,101 --> 00:33:15,341 And I tried to do it with Spider 582 00:33:15,420 --> 00:33:17,581 so you and mum and everyone couldn't get at me anymore 583 00:33:18,460 --> 00:33:20,740 [Debbie] but he just laughed at me. It was horrible. 584 00:33:21,660 --> 00:33:22,541 [Debbie sighs] 585 00:33:23,141 --> 00:33:24,141 [Debbie groans] 586 00:33:25,861 --> 00:33:27,061 [Debbie groans] 587 00:33:27,141 --> 00:33:28,220 [Door knocks] 588 00:33:29,980 --> 00:33:30,940 Yeah, just... 589 00:33:31,541 --> 00:33:32,460 Just live and learn, Deb. 590 00:33:33,180 --> 00:33:37,141 [Frank chucles] This whole business is 90% fiction and 10% friction. 591 00:33:37,861 --> 00:33:39,261 [Debbie groans] 592 00:33:41,700 --> 00:33:44,220 Hello, Mr Gallagher. I wanted to see Debbie. 593 00:33:49,220 --> 00:33:50,621 -Hiya. -Hiya. 594 00:33:51,781 --> 00:33:53,940 I just wanted to say, you know, 595 00:33:54,821 --> 00:33:55,821 I understand. 596 00:33:56,861 --> 00:33:58,460 About you being a bit of a slag. 597 00:33:59,740 --> 00:34:01,541 [Luke] It's probably low self-esteem and that. 598 00:34:05,301 --> 00:34:08,581 [upbeat music] 599 00:34:20,061 --> 00:34:20,901 Hiya! 600 00:34:22,581 --> 00:34:24,300 I missed yer, did you miss me? 601 00:34:25,501 --> 00:34:28,541 -What are they? -I got 'em from the travel agent. 602 00:34:28,621 --> 00:34:30,740 Thought we might get away together. 603 00:34:30,820 --> 00:34:32,780 Mykonos, Ibiza... 604 00:34:32,860 --> 00:34:34,061 Are you fucking mental? 605 00:34:34,141 --> 00:34:37,901 -We could go off season. -I'm not going on holiday with ya. 606 00:34:39,901 --> 00:34:42,340 I don't want to... 607 00:34:42,421 --> 00:34:44,220 You know... 608 00:34:44,300 --> 00:34:46,541 Go out with ya. 609 00:34:46,621 --> 00:34:47,860 [Ian] Alright? 610 00:34:47,941 --> 00:34:49,901 Is it because of what I told you about Nelson? 611 00:34:49,981 --> 00:34:51,621 No! 612 00:34:51,700 --> 00:34:52,901 It's just... 613 00:34:54,381 --> 00:34:56,061 Look. 614 00:34:56,141 --> 00:34:59,421 It were good. But it's not gonna carry on. 615 00:34:59,501 --> 00:35:02,581 I mean, you, me, 616 00:35:02,661 --> 00:35:05,621 we'd be dead meat if anyone finds out, you know we would. 617 00:35:09,501 --> 00:35:11,461 -But I love ya. -Oh, fucking hell. 618 00:35:11,541 --> 00:35:12,741 -No you don't. -[Micky] I do! 619 00:35:12,820 --> 00:35:16,261 All these fucking... feelings. 620 00:35:16,340 --> 00:35:17,621 [Micky] You're the only one who understands. 621 00:35:17,701 --> 00:35:18,941 I don't. 622 00:35:19,021 --> 00:35:21,261 -Honest, I don't. -I fucking love ya. 623 00:35:25,141 --> 00:35:27,421 [menacing music] 624 00:35:27,501 --> 00:35:29,860 And if it takes telling me mam and dad about us, 625 00:35:29,941 --> 00:35:32,101 how I feel, that's what I'm gonna do. 626 00:35:32,181 --> 00:35:34,621 -What d'you mean? -I'm gonna tell them how I feel! 627 00:35:34,701 --> 00:35:36,021 Micky! 628 00:35:36,941 --> 00:35:38,820 Mam, dad, 629 00:35:38,901 --> 00:35:41,541 I've got something to tell you and it's not something I'm ashamed of. 630 00:35:41,621 --> 00:35:43,621 -[Micky] In fact, I'm proud. -[door opening] 631 00:35:43,701 --> 00:35:45,780 He taught Nelson to suck his cock! 632 00:35:45,860 --> 00:35:48,820 [suspenseful music] 633 00:35:52,421 --> 00:35:54,221 Alright? 634 00:35:54,300 --> 00:35:55,941 -See you later. -[Mandy] Hey? 635 00:35:56,981 --> 00:35:58,860 -Hen-do! -Hen-do? 636 00:35:59,820 --> 00:36:00,860 [Micky crying] 637 00:36:05,221 --> 00:36:06,381 Mimi? 638 00:36:11,901 --> 00:36:14,820 Calm down, Micky! I'll have Nelson here til it all blows over, right. 639 00:36:14,901 --> 00:36:17,421 -Bad choice of words. -Fuck off, you freak-- 640 00:36:17,501 --> 00:36:19,661 -[Mandy] Enough! -What d'you fucking mean? 641 00:36:19,741 --> 00:36:23,541 [Mandy] I said enough! Unless you want me to take him back next door. 642 00:36:23,621 --> 00:36:26,221 My dad says he's gonna have Nelson put down. 643 00:36:26,300 --> 00:36:29,701 You know what he means to me, you fucking cunt! 644 00:36:32,261 --> 00:36:33,981 I fucking hate you! 645 00:36:38,820 --> 00:36:40,461 [Nelson pants] 646 00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:42,981 -What's all that about? -[All] Don't ask! 647 00:36:46,860 --> 00:36:49,421 Wind changes, you'll stay like that. 648 00:36:49,501 --> 00:36:51,101 -[Debbie chuckles] -[Monica chuckles] 649 00:36:54,941 --> 00:36:56,300 [Mimi] Right, this is the plan. 650 00:36:56,380 --> 00:36:59,221 Security's here. Mickey Mouse. One bloke doing the rounds. 651 00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:02,340 Back's forceable, few Yales, that's it. 652 00:37:02,421 --> 00:37:03,981 Marlene'll drive down. 653 00:37:04,061 --> 00:37:06,021 Hang on. Is this... 654 00:37:06,101 --> 00:37:08,021 We're not going on a raid are we? 655 00:37:08,101 --> 00:37:10,221 Bit of business and pleasure, Karen love. 656 00:37:10,300 --> 00:37:12,820 [Mimi] Few gross of digital foot massagers. 657 00:37:12,901 --> 00:37:14,981 Right. Me and Marlene are in 658 00:37:15,061 --> 00:37:17,820 while sugartits here gets it on with the security bastard. 659 00:37:17,901 --> 00:37:21,741 Wham, bam, thank you, mam! In and out twenty, tops. 660 00:37:21,820 --> 00:37:24,181 Are you saying you want me to cop off with the security guard? 661 00:37:24,261 --> 00:37:25,941 It's nothing you haven't done before, is it? 662 00:37:26,021 --> 00:37:28,981 No, but why does it have to be me? 663 00:37:30,860 --> 00:37:32,300 [menacing music] 664 00:37:35,741 --> 00:37:38,820 I'm engaged, Mimi. To your son. 665 00:37:38,901 --> 00:37:41,141 It'll be our little secret, Karen love. 666 00:37:41,221 --> 00:37:44,501 [Mimi] Men can be a bit funny about that sort of thing. 667 00:37:44,581 --> 00:37:48,581 Right, ladies. Let's go. Eight o'clock shift change. 668 00:37:48,661 --> 00:37:50,941 [woman] It's taking us four hours to get out of the fucking van. 669 00:37:51,741 --> 00:37:54,221 [suspenseful music] 670 00:37:55,581 --> 00:37:57,261 Right. Are we ready? 671 00:37:59,661 --> 00:38:02,221 No calls till the job's done. 672 00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:05,221 Cops can trace records. Go on! 673 00:38:07,461 --> 00:38:10,261 [suspenseful music] 674 00:38:18,101 --> 00:38:19,941 Debbie. 675 00:38:20,021 --> 00:38:21,820 [Mandy] You know, if this lad really likes you, 676 00:38:21,901 --> 00:38:23,421 he won't care what anyone says. 677 00:38:23,501 --> 00:38:25,741 -What? If I'm a slapper, you mean? -No. 678 00:38:26,901 --> 00:38:29,941 Listen to me. That's a bloke's word. 679 00:38:30,021 --> 00:38:31,461 It's a bloke's fucking hang up. 680 00:38:31,541 --> 00:38:33,780 Doesn't matter what you do or who you're doing it with. 681 00:38:33,860 --> 00:38:37,221 -As long as you're having a good time, ok? -I haven't done anything! 682 00:38:37,300 --> 00:38:39,421 Not that it's for lack of trying. 683 00:38:39,501 --> 00:38:43,820 There's no rush, Debs. It's always crap to start off. 684 00:38:43,901 --> 00:38:46,421 Thing to do is to get a lad and train him up. 685 00:38:46,501 --> 00:38:48,461 This one that you like? 686 00:38:48,541 --> 00:38:51,581 Luke. He's religious. Dead religious. 687 00:38:51,661 --> 00:38:53,581 His parents are, you mean. 688 00:38:53,661 --> 00:38:55,221 [Mandy] He's a 15 year old lad. 689 00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:59,621 Choice between you and Jesus? No contest! 690 00:38:59,701 --> 00:39:04,101 [Mandy] I mean that beard's minging for a start and there's the sandals. 691 00:39:04,181 --> 00:39:06,061 Anyway, your hair's better. 692 00:39:07,380 --> 00:39:09,300 It's gonna take more than your dad and Lip going round 693 00:39:09,380 --> 00:39:12,141 telling tall tales to his mum and dad to put him off. 694 00:39:12,221 --> 00:39:13,581 Dad and Lip? 695 00:39:13,661 --> 00:39:15,780 Yeah, you know, saying you're a loose woman. 696 00:39:15,860 --> 00:39:18,820 But, I thought it were Spider. 697 00:39:18,901 --> 00:39:20,141 Dad and Lip? 698 00:39:25,860 --> 00:39:28,901 -Who are you? -Pizza. 699 00:39:28,981 --> 00:39:31,701 Can't believe I actually forgot the pizza. 700 00:39:32,860 --> 00:39:34,501 [Karen] It's me first night. 701 00:39:35,421 --> 00:39:39,421 Yeah but, like I said, I hadn't ordered any pizza. 702 00:39:40,581 --> 00:39:43,820 That's alright then. I might keep my job. 703 00:39:47,101 --> 00:39:51,061 -So it's just you on your own then is it? -Yeah. Nobby no mates. 704 00:39:53,380 --> 00:39:55,461 Nobby. 705 00:39:55,541 --> 00:39:57,901 Yeah. Just a figure of speech. 706 00:40:00,181 --> 00:40:03,141 You and nobby... up for a bit of fun? 707 00:40:06,141 --> 00:40:09,421 Alright, steady on. Steady on, Deb. It's just one lickle... 708 00:40:09,501 --> 00:40:13,021 Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but, 709 00:40:13,101 --> 00:40:15,941 but I did it for all the right reasons. 710 00:40:16,021 --> 00:40:17,621 -You know, to protect ya. -Protect me? 711 00:40:17,701 --> 00:40:20,340 Flesh of my flesh. 712 00:40:20,421 --> 00:40:22,421 Protect your young. Born free. 713 00:40:22,501 --> 00:40:25,941 All that. They're not your standard happy clappers, Deb. 714 00:40:26,021 --> 00:40:28,221 They take fifty percent. 715 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:30,661 Half... Of your money! 716 00:40:30,741 --> 00:40:33,340 I haven't got any money. 717 00:40:33,421 --> 00:40:36,101 Yeah but it's the principle of the thing, innit? 718 00:40:36,181 --> 00:40:39,621 One of you better have some bloody money to pay for these laxatives. 719 00:40:40,421 --> 00:40:41,780 [Debbie] You say it's to protect your young, right? 720 00:40:41,860 --> 00:40:43,701 But you haven't, have you? 721 00:40:43,780 --> 00:40:46,380 'Cos I really liked Luke and now he thinks I'm a slapper. 722 00:40:46,461 --> 00:40:48,101 [Debbie] And mum and everyone. 723 00:40:48,181 --> 00:40:50,261 You've been on their side, saying I should do it. 724 00:40:50,340 --> 00:40:53,581 When it turns out you don't even care about that. You don't care about me. 725 00:40:53,661 --> 00:40:56,701 All you care about is your bloody money! You're useless, you! 726 00:40:56,780 --> 00:40:59,021 [Frank] Debbie! Debbie! Debbie! 727 00:40:59,101 --> 00:41:00,181 [Frank] Please, love. 728 00:41:02,541 --> 00:41:03,541 I'm... 729 00:41:06,741 --> 00:41:07,661 Fuck. What can I do? 730 00:41:08,581 --> 00:41:09,541 [Frank] I'll do anything. 731 00:41:10,941 --> 00:41:11,860 [Frank] Come on, you name it. 732 00:41:12,981 --> 00:41:14,300 [Frank] I'm begging ya. 733 00:41:14,380 --> 00:41:17,340 I am a proud man and I'm begging ya. 734 00:41:18,380 --> 00:41:19,340 Money. 735 00:41:19,421 --> 00:41:20,541 [scary music] 736 00:41:20,621 --> 00:41:23,541 I want 120 quid for the trip to Walton on the Naze. 737 00:41:23,621 --> 00:41:25,741 And some for spends. Then we can talk. 738 00:41:26,701 --> 00:41:29,101 [suspenseful music] 739 00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:32,141 -[Frank pants] -[door opens] 740 00:41:32,221 --> 00:41:35,061 -Fuck. -[stomach rumbling] 741 00:41:36,501 --> 00:41:37,941 [strains] Oh fuck. 742 00:41:38,581 --> 00:41:41,461 [upbeat music] 743 00:41:58,340 --> 00:41:59,621 [breathing heavily] 744 00:42:11,061 --> 00:42:12,941 [groans] 745 00:42:15,981 --> 00:42:17,701 [moaning] 746 00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:24,541 Our Jamie's gonna fucking love this. 747 00:42:25,541 --> 00:42:28,780 [moaning] Oh fucking hell! 748 00:42:29,820 --> 00:42:32,901 -[man moans] -Smile for the camera, Karen! 749 00:42:37,661 --> 00:42:39,021 Alright, Mimi? 750 00:42:41,101 --> 00:42:42,541 [man breathes heavily] 751 00:42:44,701 --> 00:42:47,380 [man] Hey! Tell your friend she can join in and all. 752 00:42:49,581 --> 00:42:52,061 [suspenseful music] 753 00:42:54,661 --> 00:42:57,701 As you can see, this is the living room, kitchen, en suite. 754 00:42:59,901 --> 00:43:00,981 This is the bedroom. 755 00:43:01,860 --> 00:43:04,300 -The bathroom. -[Frank groans in relief] 756 00:43:04,380 --> 00:43:09,901 Yes! The eagle has fucking landed! 757 00:43:28,340 --> 00:43:29,860 There's 200 quid. 758 00:43:30,941 --> 00:43:32,900 That do you? 759 00:43:32,981 --> 00:43:34,380 [Frank] Pound of flesh? 760 00:43:35,941 --> 00:43:39,461 -Where'd you get it? -Me to know, Deb. Ways and means. 761 00:43:39,541 --> 00:43:42,181 ...240... 250. 762 00:43:42,261 --> 00:43:45,461 That is a one-off, alright? No more guest appearances. 763 00:43:45,541 --> 00:43:49,380 Gentlemen's agreement, Marlon. Won't see hid nor hair from now on. 764 00:43:49,461 --> 00:43:51,380 They were gonna make a fucking offer you know. 765 00:43:53,621 --> 00:43:54,581 Debbie, love. 766 00:43:57,621 --> 00:43:58,941 Everything alright? 767 00:43:59,900 --> 00:44:01,181 He's all yours. 768 00:44:02,141 --> 00:44:03,421 [door closes] 769 00:44:05,300 --> 00:44:07,661 [sad music] 770 00:44:44,621 --> 00:44:45,820 Fuck. 771 00:44:49,860 --> 00:44:50,701 Hello. 772 00:44:52,860 --> 00:44:55,621 -Good night? -Yeah, good. 773 00:44:55,701 --> 00:44:57,261 Really good. 774 00:45:05,581 --> 00:45:06,820 Is this okay? 775 00:45:14,221 --> 00:45:15,461 Try... 776 00:45:29,021 --> 00:45:30,221 [pans clattering] 777 00:45:33,501 --> 00:45:37,421 Done you some sandwiches. It's a long way to uh... 778 00:45:37,501 --> 00:45:38,741 [Both] Walton on the Naze. 779 00:45:38,820 --> 00:45:40,941 -[Lip] Maze, Naze. Whatever. -[Debbie chuckles] 780 00:45:41,021 --> 00:45:43,101 [Lip] Anyway. [Lip grunts] 781 00:45:43,181 --> 00:45:44,701 [Debbie laughs] 782 00:45:44,780 --> 00:45:48,621 No egg. Just cheese and pickle. 783 00:45:48,701 --> 00:45:50,541 Don't want any teasing on the coach, do we? 784 00:45:50,621 --> 00:45:52,221 -Who's let one go? -Who's dropped one? 785 00:45:52,300 --> 00:45:53,421 [Debbie laughs] 786 00:45:54,780 --> 00:45:57,421 -[Lip] Stinker! -[Debbie] That's for saying I'm a slapper! 787 00:45:57,501 --> 00:45:58,941 See ya later. 788 00:46:02,661 --> 00:46:06,141 [Lip] Sigmund Freud, right. Father of modern psychoanalysis. 789 00:46:06,221 --> 00:46:08,941 Inventor of penis envy and all that bollocks. 790 00:46:09,021 --> 00:46:11,900 Said he never worked out what it is a woman truly wants. 791 00:46:11,981 --> 00:46:14,741 In men's case, he reckoned it was down to two things: 792 00:46:14,820 --> 00:46:16,541 Work and love. 793 00:46:16,621 --> 00:46:18,181 Obviously he never met me dad. 794 00:46:18,261 --> 00:46:19,581 [Debbie] So what did you tell 'em then? 795 00:46:19,661 --> 00:46:22,661 -[Lip] As for our Debbie, well... -[Luke] Same as you. Walton on the Naze. 796 00:46:22,741 --> 00:46:25,981 -Said it was a gospel camp. -Gospel camp? 797 00:46:26,061 --> 00:46:29,340 -Piss off! -In't it one of the commandments or some? 798 00:46:29,421 --> 00:46:30,941 [Laughing] Stop! Get off! 799 00:46:31,021 --> 00:46:33,300 -[Luke laughs] -Such a weakling! 800 00:46:34,421 --> 00:46:36,101 I'm letting you win! 801 00:46:36,181 --> 00:46:38,380 [both laughs] 802 00:46:40,541 --> 00:46:43,461 [Lip] Turns out our Debbie's not that different after all. 803 00:46:43,541 --> 00:46:48,461 Like most women, what she wants is love, work, and her own fucking way. 804 00:46:48,541 --> 00:46:50,981 [Debbie laughs] 805 00:46:52,421 --> 00:46:54,101 [moaning] 806 00:46:54,941 --> 00:46:55,860 What have you done? 807 00:46:55,941 --> 00:46:58,141 I am not answerable to you! 808 00:46:58,221 --> 00:47:00,101 Hiya, Frank. D'you wanna earn some cash? 809 00:47:00,181 --> 00:47:03,221 You're a one man fucking enigma machine, Shane. D'you know that? 810 00:47:03,300 --> 00:47:04,860 [Shane] Bye bye, Frank! 811 00:47:04,941 --> 00:47:05,941 Party! 812 00:47:06,021 --> 00:47:07,581 Get on the ground, all of you! 813 00:47:07,661 --> 00:47:09,541 I love the way her nostrils flare when she gets pumped. 814 00:47:09,621 --> 00:47:10,741 [Tom] Have you noticed that? 815 00:47:10,820 --> 00:47:13,541 We should be on each other's side, Tom. 816 00:47:13,621 --> 00:47:16,621 I fucking hate her. She's spoiling it for everyone. 817 00:47:16,701 --> 00:47:18,141 [Moaning] 818 00:47:18,221 --> 00:47:20,661 [upbeat music] 819 00:48:02,380 --> 00:48:04,101 [Micky weeping] 820 00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:11,581 [man crying]